So for today, i decided to take a break from my serious thoughts, and post a more uplifting blog! Can't be emo all the time i guess. :)

      I have been listening to music of all kinds today, and it's amazing the emotional response i can get. You can feel so much by just hearing and getting into a song. I can feal pain, want to cry, i can feel in love, happy, and free... Music is an amazing thing. To cope with my current troubles, i have begun to start writing music again...and i really love it. I may not be the greatest...or even any good. lol but it really helps me and makes me smile.

     As usual, i'd love to hear your thoughts...What has music done in your life?

"...in a world so full of life, it is this dead poets words that seek meaning."

I am beginning this story to try and find myself. I know this term is thrown around a lot these days, but it really is important for me to make my own name for myself before I let someone else do it for me. I have found myself surrounded by great friends and family, but no one who really and truly wants to put in the time to listen to what i have to say. I guess I too quickly cemented myself as the "listener," someone to pour your heart out to and get great advice from, but not someone who also, itself, should have problems of their own. That's where this comes in. I just really need to know that someone out there is listening, and if they help me out along the way, i wouldn't mind that either. So, if anyone is reading this, please give me a comment or something to let me know. But, if you just think this is a waste of type, please don't bother beating me with harsh comments of how stupid or whiny I am. I only want comments from real people who understand or hear what i'm saying. I want to know someone else is out there. So, basically what i'm getting at is that I'm too poor for therapy.

My life just doesn't seem to feel real anymore. I had a date night tonight with an amazing and beautiful girl that i've been dating for many months. We've had a great relationship so far. It's my first serious one, and it just doesn't feel like i think it should. We are close to the one year mark, and tonight was supposed to be so special, and it was, but towards the end, the numbness came creeping back. I don't know what it is, but something has changed. That special spark seems now to only come and go. Our passion is at a lull before it has even had a chance to really get started. I feel like i have let her define me a little too much, but i am so in love i don't know what to do. Am i just comfortable or am i just getting cold feet. I am young, and feel i should have lived more by now, i should be having more fun. Instead i feel a slave to obligation (not just to her). I don't know, i feel like i need time away from everyone. No one really knows me, even if they think they do. Even if i do nothing wrong, i feel as if i have to hide. This is so freeing to be able to speak and not worry about the judging eyes of others.

I look forward to hearing, talking, conversing with many of you. Though i can never reveal my identity, i want to get to know all of you as well as i can and maybe you can help me truly live again...

"...in a world so full of life, it is this dead poets words that seek meaning."